It’s Friday night and you’re sitting in your room waiting for a text back from that special someone. It’s been a few hours that you’ve been dwelling in this pathetic state, so you blame the lack of response on bad cell service and give them a phone call. After no answer you assume they must have lost their phone so you try a message on Facebook. They’re online, but you receive no response. Sure, you can tell yourself that they may be so deeply engrossed in the Texans VS Jaguars game that they can’t even spare a few seconds to respond to you, but today we are going to tell you differently. Today we are going to inform you on how to know that they’re just NOT that into you…
Almost everyone reading this article is either currently dealing with a relationship, is in the process of pursuing one, or will pursue one in the future. According to the U.S. Census bureau of 2013, 43% of Americans 18 and older are single. This leaves almost HALF of the population struggling to decipher the signs and signals of their desired sweetheart. We thought we’d make that “deciphering” a little easier- here are some behavioral and verbal rejection strategies revealed by participants in focus group sessions conducted by professors at the University of Pennsylvania and West Virginia that give an understanding of communicative disinterest in flirting (aka acknowledging that they’re just NOT that into you). These behavioral and verbal rejection strategies should help inform you that they’re really just NOT that into you:
BEHAVIORAL REJECTION STRATEGIES
1.Departure: If your date “has to use the bathroom” and you’ve now gone through three baskets of breadsticks solo, you may just want to ask for the check before sending a search party into an empty bathroom, because even though you had thought the dinner was going along just swimmingly- your date apparently did not think the same, and has just used the departure method on you.
2. Friendship Network: We’ve all done it. The “way out” option that our friends provide us with whenever we are faced with an awkward situation. The not so subtle BFF who “needs to talk to you, privately (wink wink)” conveniently at that exact moment, or when the object of your affection does the pass-off and defers you with a simple “have you met my roommate?” to make a smooth escape. Nice if their roommate happens to be James Franco, but otherwise…leaves you feeling rejected.
3. Cell-phone Usage: Your hands are sweaty, and you have butterflies in your stomach, and through shaky hands you finally manage to press “send” and the phone starts to ring..and then.. “hello, this is not the person that you were trying to call, you’ve reached the Rejection Hotline. Unfortunately the person who gave you this number does not want you to have their REAL number”. Ahh if you’ve ever heard this recording, you have been an unfortunate recipient of the Rejection Hotline, an classic cell-phone usage trick, invented especially for those too embarrassed to tell you to your face that they’re just NOT that into you.
4. Ignoring: If you come to find that your crush has a phone that’s “always dying” and seems to “never get your messages on Facebook” or that you are starting to have a better relationship with their voicemail than with them, then you may want to just take the hint and move on before resorting to carrier pigeons to do the job.
VERBAL REJECTION STRATEGIES
1. Significant Other: Let me share an example of using the “significant other” tactic- I once had a single friend who went to Forever 21 to buy a fake engagement ring that she wore to ward off a man who kept trying to flirt with her in her Salsa dancing class. A man who didn’t get the hint that she just was not that into him. By utilizing the “significant other” tactic, she was finally able to get him to back off. The mention of a girlfriend, boyfriend, or fiance- regardless if they are real or not- should be a stop sign in the road of pursual.
2. Brief Response:If you find that your crush is only using one word answers or uses short fleeting comments, do not be intrigued by their mysteriousness, just assume from their brief responses that they are just not interested.
3. Insults: Our final rejection strategy, we can see that the insults are probably the most obvious of them all. I mean, I would hope that a comment like “Ew, get away from me you stalker” would not attract any of you to the one you’re pursuing, and would in fact put up a red flag to the situation, sending you running in the opposite direction, 100% certain that this person is just NOT that into you.
Let us conclude by saying that our purpose here has not been to discourage you- but rather to save you and prevent you from falling into some of the same traps that we once fell into. Now you know a few of the main behavioral and verbal signs of someone who is only going to waste your precious time. Yes, the truth hurts, but the truth shall also set you free- free to move on from those who are just not that into you, and on to someone who will treat you as wonderfully as you truly deserve- someone who really IS that into you.