What a flipping trip it’s been since the moment we found out we were expecting our little nugget. I wouldn’t say it was a surprise but I also wouldn’t say it wasn’t- haha. I have always adored littles and the idea of having a family- but it’s been extremely difficult to ACTUALLY picture Zack and Me becoming parents. Our life for the last 7 years has been about growing individually and together, moving to new places in hopes of finding “home”, focusing on work, friendships, and lots of travel. It honestly felt like we only really thought about kids when people asked us or when we saw a cute one, haha.
But this past year we knew that we wanted to START thinking about it, so we started asking our doctor questions and sorta just daydreaming. When I say daydreaming I mean we were talking about the cute stuff that sorta sounded fun but also ALL the cons- because that’s the type of people we are. Prepare for the worst at all times, haha and then hope the outcome surprises you. So basically we planned lots of fun adult trips and just focused on enjoying US. Hoping one day we would just stumble upon the feeling people talk about, you know- when you JUST KNOW IT’S TIME.
Let’s just say I found out I was pregnant without getting “the feeling” haha.
A few weeks after we got back from Italy I found out I was pregnant- it was insanely surreal.
I want to be completely open and honest with this post because there have been a handful of moments the past 5 months where I felt less than because I didn’t really feel that ‘motherly connection’ or just straight up weird or heartless because I felt indifferent. And I know now that it’s totally normal to be either type of person- the type that orders a crib the day they find out and they start talking to their belly or the opposite where you take all 9 months to actually come to terms that it’s happening! haha
Don’t get me wrong one feeling that has overwhelmed me this ENTIRE time is THANKFULNESS. I am so incredibly thankful that my body was able to get pregnant, stay pregnant this long, and I am constantly in awe of what I am doing. But it’s not the first thing that crosses my mind when I wake up every morning, and to be honest I don’t think I have felt the little guy actually move yet or ‘flutters’ like my mom says, I haven’t ordered a piece of baby furniture, and I don’t know if I ever will talk to my belly.
BUT I do have to say little by little, day by day- I start to feel more connected to being pregnant- I love reading my little apps every week telling me that the baby is the size of bell pepper and that he has taste buds, (haha not gunna lie sometimes still feels like an alien) and I started making Pinterest boards for different things like baby showers, nursery, and baby style. I talk to my mom and my other friends who are moms and I am starting to feel less different then them which in turn makes me feel less alone.
I think most importantly I have learned to really enjoy this experience and take it as MY OWN.
My due date is June 1st and so I have been really trying hard to “get more into it” or “get more excited”- but also reminding myself to feel whatever I want to feel. I think life is about taking the experiences thrown at you and handling them with care, love, and in your own unique way.
Cheers, to the next half of this thing- baby boy let’s make it OURS.