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NOT YOUR MOTHER’S ADVICE

How to Handle a Breakup Like a Lady

August 27, 2013 by Jolene Angel No Comments

How to handle a breakup like a lady:

1. Cut your bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors

2. Scream his name ‘til the neighbors call the cops

3. Numb the pain at the expense of your liver

4. Stop taking advice from Miranda Lambert.

Okay, for real though, we all can be just a little bit dramatic…and who wouldn’t be with a freshly broken heart!?  Although it’s way easier said than done, we have come up with some advice for handling a breakup like a lady, rather than handling it in a way that will give you the grand title of “crazy psycho ex-girlfriend”.

  1. 1. Grab the girls.  There’s no need to go crying to the Facebook Newsfeed, or complain to every poor soul that asks “how are you holding up?”.  That’s what your besties are for.  Pick two or three of your closest girl friends to vent to, and then be done with it.  Involving everyone and their mother (literally, their mothers, I mean hello half of them are friends with me on Facebook) will only make you look pathetic and draw negative attention to yourself.
  2. 2. “Hobbies” is your new middle name.  Your Friday nights are now free!  You save hours not needing to look for the perfect anniversary gift!  Don’t see this as a bad thing, make the most of it!  Take that art class you’ve been wanting to try, join the rec soccer team, finally learn French, cook your cares away- whatever it is that you love to do- DO IT!  What better way to fill your newfound  free time than with what you love to do and with what makes you happy.
  3. 3. Make it a clean break.  Although there are a few who can prove me wrong, let me just say that “but let’s still be friends” is a plan that is never going to work.  At least not for a long time.  So don’t even try to attempt it.  People who do this are the reason that Facebook had to create the “It’s Complicated” category (bet you always wondered what that was for, didnt you?).  Making a clean break allows for you to fully move on and do it without your “friend” lurking around risking bringing back old memories or even worse a “friends with benefits” situation.
  4. 4. A date with your iPod.  Make a girl power playlist to have on standby for whenever you start to feel sad about the breakup.  Never underestimate the power of music!  Sometimes all I need to cheer me up is a long drive with my windows down, belting Kelly Clarkson’s “Since You’ve Been Gone”.
  5. 5. Go ahead- spoil yourself.  They say the best revenge is to live a happy life.  Well then, don’t mind if I do!  Instead of keying his car or smashing his laptop, go get your nails done or buy that new shade of lipstick you’ve been dying to try!
  6. 6. Leave the gossip to TMZ.  No, you are not Kim Kardashian star of a reality TV show that is dependent of you pouring your life out to the world and sharing your deepest darkest secrets.  Steer clear of social media- there’s nothing worse than airing out your dirty laundry for the world to see.  Let them think that you’re better off without him, and that you’re handling the entire breakup like a lady.
  7. 7. Last, but certainly not least- don’t be a stalker.  As much as you’re dying to see if he has moved on or has resorted to staring at pictures of the two of you while crying like a baby, DON’T.  Just don’t.  Don’t ask his friends how he’s doing, don’t enlist your besties as your personal spies, don’t make it a point to know everywhere he has “checked in” on FB this past week, and especially don’t sit outside his house and wait for him to live his life while you should be out there living yours (I seriously know someone who has done this, so apparently it needs mentioning).

Handle your breakup like a lady, make him wish that he had treated you like a gentleman.  Make sure that when he’s surrounded by his boys and a bucket of beer, you’ve given him no reason to call you the “crazy psycho ex-girlfriend” and he has nothing but lovely things to say about you, lady.

 

Cheers, Darlings!

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HEALTH AND #FITSPIRATION

Go Ahead and Push SNOOZE one More Time…We Dare You.

August 27, 2013 by Jolene Angel No Comments

You just won the lottery, got your dream car, AND the dream boy you’ve been smitten with since the moment you laid eyes on him is asking you out on a date, and-

BEEP!!! BEEP!!! BEEP!!!

There it is: the dreaded alarm.  To snooze or not to snooze…that is the question.  Monday mornings can be daunting!  You’ve just had a too fun weekend, possibly an all-night study sesh, or even put in extra hours to be prepared for a hectic work week.  In any case, you’d kill for a few extra minutes of sleep (and maybe a little bit more time with dream boy). Go ahead and let the snooze button tempt you into a little more beauty sleep- because we have all of the tips you need to look fabulous and ready to take on your Monday in 15 minutes or less!

  • OUTFIT ON STANDBY– each season, put together one stylish outfit that makes you feel empowered and ready to take on the day.  Make sure it is ironed, stain-free, and ready to wear in the corner of your closet for an early Monday where the snooze button got the best of you.  We girls tend to be indecisive, and the early morning fog in your brain can’t help the “I have nothing to wear” situation! Save yourself the five minutes of having a staring contest with your closet by keeping your emergency outfit on standby. [2 MINUTES]
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  • MESSY HAIR, DON’T CARE– Save time by skipping the shower and instead reach for the dry shampoo!  Run a brush through, pull up to a high pony, and then embrace these two words: sock bun.  Not only is the sock bun incredibly easy and quick, but it looks professional and stylish! [3 MINUTES]
LA (1 of 1)

LA (1 of 1)

LA (1 of 1)-2

LA (1 of 1)-2

  • MINIMIZE THE MAKEUP– We may be biased, but truth be told- lipstick does wonders!  With a bold red lip, there’s no need for the highlighting, bronzing, shadowing, and eye-lining…let the lips speak for themselves!  Now put on a coat of volumizing mascara to open up your tired little eyes and you’re good to go! Oh, and don’t forget to rub some tinted moisturizer on your cheeks as you’re running to your coffee pot! [4 MINUTES]
makeup!

makeup!

  • ENERGIZE– Save yourself the trip to Starbucks and the long line of other Monday morning zombies by brewing your own cup of Joe at home.  While waiting for your coffee to brew, enjoy a quick breakfast.  For a quick and easy parfait: grab a yogurt from the fridge, sprinkle on some granola, and pile on the blueberries.  Blueberries are proven to reduce stress and increase learning capacity- the perfect brain food to start Monday off right!  [5 MINUTES]
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  • GRAB THE LOUIS V AS YOU LEAVE– Keep your purse, briefcase, or book bag by the door with all of your essentials safely tucked inside. I can’t tell you how much of my morning is spent printing out a last minute presentation or searching for the car keys… save time by making sure everything is prepared and ready to go the night before.  [1 MINUTE]
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Now pick up your purse, look at your watch, and let out a sigh of relief- because not only are you running early, but you got to have a nice little bonding experience with your snooze button! Not a bad start to a Monday morning huh?  So go ahead- cave in and push the snooze button tomorrow morning… we dare you.

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